Why pleasing others is actually harming them

written by Paula Hartmann


I noticed that 99% of the women I know (me included) have this one problem. We want to please others. 


When our kid screams for another snack, we run into the kitchen, because we know if we don’t act quick, we might be confronted with a tantrum. Right?


We don’t want to disappoint our demanding child, boss or our friend Meghan that keeps calling us to tell us how dreadful her life is. So, we hustle, do the extra work, listen patiently and play nurse every time the kid gets a scratch. By the end of the week we are so exhausted. We either feel numb or so agitated that the tiniest irritation can bring us to tears or make us scream. I’ve been there half a million times.


In the worst case, we swallow all these emotions and literally become physically sick or depressed. I've also been there.


We think, we’ve been a Good-Girl and that we do the people around us a favor, by constantly giving, giving, giving. But when did this ever work?


Kids turn into spoiled princesses or tyrants. Yes, I know a couple of them and let me tell you, it’s almost unbearable to hang out with such a child. It’s not even their fault, but they’re so annoying. 


If you never say “NO” to your demanding friend Meghan or your overbearing mother, then ok, you won’t have to deal with a tantrum, but you will be taken advantage of for the rest of your life. Not only that, you will feel tired, exhausted and you won’t have much energy for the things that are really important to you (like creating your dreams). Even worse your kids will take you as an example. They observe everything you do and especially how you treat yourself. If you can’t say no, they won't be able to say no. That’s what they mean with karma. If you don’t break the cycle, who will?


Making sure, that YOU feel good, is not selfish. It’s necessary for you to be a good mother, friend and partner. That's why it’s absolutely important and actually the best for everybody involved to set strong boundaries. 


When you listen to what FEELS good to you, you will automatically have to say NO to others more often. By doing that, you will show others how you want to be treated. This will inspire them to communicate better about their needs and so you’re actually spreading more love by giving less and setting boundaries. 


I know it’s scary. As women we want to be loved and liked all the time. But from my own experience, I can say, that we feel more loved the more we love ourselves. When we please others, we might get an instant gratification and see some happy faces for a few minutes, but this won’t last for long. Making yourself happy will spread so much more love and you will notice how much better the people around you will feel too. 


It all starts within you. 


This is the era where women start to honour and respect themselves fully and you’re part of a revolution. A silent revolution that starts from within. 


Love yourself hard and know that you deserve to feel good all the time. 


I love you!

P.S.: My job is to help people create a life that feels 100% natural to them. If you have been eye-balling me for a while now and you want to live an authentic lifestyle that feels like YOU and that makes you feel good (no matter how that looks like), let's chat together.


You can schedule a free Clarity-Call with me here and I'll tell you everything about my 3-month Coaching Program that has been changing women's lives. The call is obligation-free and you will already get so much out of it. It's basically a free session with me.


If you want to read more about my offer first, you can also go here. You'll find everything you need to know about it right there. 


Can't wait to get to know you in person.


Weekly sermons about

Creativity, Being REAL &

Connecting to your 

Inner Guidance