Freedom is f****** scary. That’s why we decide to stay in prison - no matter if it's a job or a relationship that doesn’t fulfill us. People tell themselves, “Hey, at least I feel that I’m needed here. What would I do with myself if I had total freedom? I’d be alone and I would have to handle everything myself.”
A lot of people don’t break up with their partners because they’re afraid they won’t know what to do with themselves after. They would prefer staying in an abusive relationship to being alone and completely responsible for their own lives.
I see the same thing happening with jobs. People stay in jobs they don’t like because they’re terrified to change something. They think, “what if I leave and everything gets worse?”
I met a woman at the store today who told me that she broke up with her husband two years ago. She was 60 and very unhappy. She told me that since he left her, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She likes to paint, but she can’t make a living from it. She was also miserable about her job and the fact that she has to share an apartment with another person. She said, “If I could just meet another guy then everything would be better”.
I would have liked to tell her, that she doesn’t need another guy, but that she should take better care of herself. She should finally take responsibility for her life and find out who she is and what she wants.
It’s so easy to make someone else responsible for your happiness. First of all, that’s not fair, and second, it never works.
I can say that from my own experience. Every time I complained about my relationship or my job, I refused to look at what I really wanted and I ignored my inner desires.
It’s so much easier to complain about your current situation than to create something new. Creating a new life is hard, takes a lot effort and a whole lot of courage. That’s why so many of us prefer to stay in our comfort zone where we don’t need to make big decisions, but at the same time we can’t make big mistakes either.
If you keep telling your colleagues, ‘my boss is a total dick’ or ‘ this place is ridiculous’, you pretend that you don’t have a choice and that you’re a victim.
The truth is, you’re addicted to complaining and you’re afraid to be free.
People have this weird belief that if they complain a lot, then nobody will realize that it is all their own fault, that they created their situation themselves. If I get really upset about my situation, people might even say “Oh poor girl, she’s so sick, she has to work so hard, her husband doesn’t treat her nice, she doesn’t have any money.” I was this ‘poor’ girl once and I remember thinking that life was so unfair to me.
You might hate what I’m about to say, but the status quo of your life was created by you.
You’re responsible for being broke.
You’re responsible for being unhappy in your relationships.
You’re responsible for hating your job.
You’re responsible for being overweight.
You’re responsible for being stressed.
You’re responsible for being depressed.
You’re even responsible for most of your sicknesses.
You’re responsible for everything you are experiencing. EVERYTHING.
You can’t blame anybody, not even God for what you’re going through at the moment. For some people this might sound intensely frustrating. They might look at their lives and think, ‘if that’s all I can do then I’m a loser.’ But you’re not a loser. You’re a creator, a very powerful one indeed. If you were able to create all that, imagine what you could create if you shift your perspective and start doing the opposite of what you’ve been doing. Believe me, I don’t want to frustrate you; I want to empower you to create something more beautiful.
There is a Seinfeld episode where George Costanza starts doing the opposite of everything he’s ever done before. He hates his life and he blames it on making all of the wrong decisions. His solution is to start making decisions opposite to what he would normally do and therefore create a better life for himself. This is probably one of the funniest scenes in the entire show:
The good news is: If you take full responsibility for your life, you gain your power back.
If you’re becoming more aware of the fact that you create your life, you will start asking yourself, ‘How did I create this unfulfilling situation?’ ‘Why do I stay in a job or a relationship where my boss/boyfriend treats me like shit?’
Instead of asking yourself why this is happening to you, start questioning your own behavior and habits.
Things don’t just happen to you. You create them with everything you think, feel, do and believe.
After my son Luke was born, I got pneumonia and I was bedridden for weeks. I’ve never been so sick in my life and I remember that I didn’t take responsibility for my sickness. I wanted to blame my illness on other people. The fact is, I didn’t take care of myself, neither mentally nor physically and the illness was an expression of some sort of self-hatred. Loving yourself means taking time for yourself, staying mentally and physically sane, not blaming, not judging other people, not being negative all the time. Now in hindsight, I can see how I set myself up to get sick. I didn’t set enough boundaries to have enough space for myself and setting boundaries is one of the biggest parts of being a responsible human being.
Now, the last thing I want you to do is get upset with yourself and past decisions. Blaming yourself for all the things you’ve done makes everything worse. The only thing you need to know is that you created all that, and that you can create something new if you’re not satisfied with your lifestyle. That’s it. Don’t be hard on yourself. We can laugh about the mess we’re producing later. All these mistakes will eventually make great stories for our grandchildren. Wouldn’t it be boring to get it right from the start?
Start with observing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs and you will soon find out which ones make you feel sick, stressed, depressed and which ones lead to actions that are in alignment with who you are.
"I free myself not by trying to be free, but by simply noticing that I am imprisoning myself in the very moment I am imprisoning myself." Zen Theory of Change
Take back your power. You’ve totally got this.
If you need more information how you can get aware of what you really want and how you sabotage your own success, sign up for my Reset Your Life Course. I will talk in detail about the five self-sabotages that everybody struggles with and how to overcome them. For more info click here…
Love and Light,