If you ever have the chance to spend a lot of time with small children, you will see how excited they are about life. My 2 year old son Luke usually wakes up in the morning and it takes him literally one minute till he gives me a smile, another two minutes till he sits up and says: "Wake up Mommy!”
I still remember how I woke up every morning when I was a kid. I opened my eyes and I thought ‘YESSSS!!! A new day begins!’
I think it was around my 23th birthday when I noticed that this wasn’t the case anymore. I didn’t feel the YESSSS! in the morning anymore. I didn’t feel like getting up and I certainly was not excited about my day.
I remember this day so clearly. I was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling of my bachelor-apartment, asking myself: “What happened? When did I loose my YES? And why did I loose it?”
On this morning I gave myself the promise that I will find the old Paula again. The Paula who was waking up with a smile on her face every day, who was literally jumping out of bed to infect everybody around her with a good mood.
Ten years later I’m still here, looking for myself and I started to make an art out of it. The Art of being myself.
Do you wanna know how I wake up these days?
Well, I need a little bit longer than Luke, but in 95% of all days, my eyes open and my first thought is: ‘Wow, what will await me today? What kind of people will I meet? What unexpected things will happen to me? What will I learn today?’ and then I feel gratitude. Gratitude for my son, my warm bed, my path, my curiosity for life, my family, my courage to live differently.
Then I roll out of bed, my eyes still stuck together. I creep into the kitchen, drink my three cups of water and make a coffee with cinnamon and almond milk.
I sit on the couch with my pot of hot coffee and give myself 30 minutes to wake up and watch Luke play with his cars.
I’m so lucky. I have my YES back.
So what happened in the last 10 years?
Oh, you won’t believe me in how much trouble I was in the last 10 years. There was pretty much no comfort zone.
And yeah, sometimes it’s hard. I won't lie. Sometimes I give up. If everybody around me is dwelling in negativity, I can easily get sad and then I’m gone for two days. I cry till there is no tear left inside of my body and then I feel like a warrior after a big battle. No strength left.
But I promise you: The YES is worth the fight.
I won’t give up.
I’m slowly on my way back home.
“You are like Odysseus, who could go out onto the great sea, lose all his goods and his friends, come to the boundaries of death, and return still himself.” Gillian Bradshaw
P.S.: I only have two New Years Resolutions for 2015: To keep following my passions and to stay true to myself - as usual :-) And you?
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